Shadow and Structure: Reflections on a Coaching Intensive

Though I’ve been interested in shadow work for some time, I realize now that I’d only danced around my own. Even during 6 months of eating disorder treatment with a Jungian Psychoanalyst, I had only scratched the surface. Because that’s the nature of shadow. Shadow is the parts of ourselves that are unbearable to look at—and our psychologies artfully hide it so that we don’t have to see them.

Having mine dragged into the light felt like having my skin set on fire. The physical discomfort I experienced in those first couple of days was barely tolerable. I had experienced a profound amount of similar discomfort since the onset of our blended family experiment a year and a half ago. This was like all of that discomfort happening at once.

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Mercury Retrograde early Libra-late Virgo, September-October 2022

The planet Mercury goes retrograde on Sunday, 9/11/22 at 8 degrees 53 minutes Libra, and enters direct motion again on Monday, 10/3/22 at 24 degrees 14 minutes Virgo.

But what does this mean?

Retrograde motion is an astronomical phenomenon whereby, due to the planets orbiting the sun at different rates, a planet appears to be moving backward from the Earth’s vantage point. Think of it as an optical illusion.

In astrology, retrograde motion is a symbol of a lessening of or interference with the planet in question’s energy, sort of like a reverse tarot card. Mercury rules the daily mind—our thought processes—communications, commutes, siblings and neighbors. During Mercury retrograde, we may find ourselves thinking less clearly, making poor decisions, feeling like we just can’t get our point across, and miscommunicating.

Mercury retrogrades typically happen 3-4 times per year. They are generally considered to be inauspicious times for making major decisions, negotiating, or signing contracts because of the potential to overlook important details.

The planet Mercury

The planet Mercury.

As in all of astrology, however, energies that seem daunting are often blessings in disguise. If you have a problem plaguing you, the retrograde may usher in new perspective. Things may cross the mind that haven’t in a while, like an old friend or activity you used to enjoy. As with all things, it’s the attitude that you hold that often determines your experience.

That is doubly true with this particular retrograde through early Libra and late Virgo. Virgo is the ruler of our house of health and attitude and Libra the experience of our personality in the context of relationships. Over these next few weeks, we may be called to observe our attitudes and how they play out in the larger world, especially in our relationships with those close to us. Conversely, to understand how our close relationships impact our health.

If we’ve fallen into pessimistic or critical thought patterns, how are our relationships affected? What about our overall health and vitality? If we cultivate more productive, positive attitudes, do things improve?

Under stress, Virgo energy can lead to a paralysis by analysis pattern, where we overthink situations to the point of getting stuck or making ourselves unwell. Likewise, unbalanced Libra energy may place us in a bind between opposing forces, opinions, or needs that prevents us from moving in any direction because we can’t find the middle ground.

In the event that you find yourself in such waters these next few weeks, hang tight. Clarity will catch up with you by mid-October!

The Vishuddha Chakra in the throat region is ruled by the planet Mercury. Over many years, I’ve noticed that, by the end of a retrograde period, stiff necks and shoulders arise. Keep them moving and mind your sleep posture. Sarvangasana (All Parts Pose/Shoulderstand) and Sirsasana (Headstand) are auspiciously practiced during this time, provided your form is good and you’ve robustly warmed your body for your practice.

Please mind that all of these things are generalizations; to know more specifically how any astrological phenomena will affect you, we’d need to compare them to your birth chart specifically. If you have questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.

Recipe: Roasted Vegetable Soup

I spent two successful months on the State of Slim this summer. Lost 20 pounds, felt better in my skin and in my clothes, and then life happened. Stress increased, socializing increased, and slowly I fell away from the plan. And re-entered some of my old disordered eating behavior: pairing periods of indulgence with periods of withholding intake.

But I learned some things from 6 months of eating disorder therapy, one of which is that self-neglect is a deeply entrenched behavior born of deep self-loathing. And I’ve set a boundary that I don’t neglect my own needs any more—and that includes my need to fuel my body when it’s hungry.

As I turned in to myself with the intent to love and provide care, I realized that I was struggling to stay on-plan because I was depleted. Two months of very strict dieting paired with multiple sources of deep heartache AND the work involved to get both of my business back on track post-pandemic . . . I was exhausted. Those cravings were a cry from my body for deep nourishment. So I created this soup with the intention feed myself—and craved it all week long until it was gone and I made a second batch.

Roasted Vegetable Soup

This recipe is more of a concept than an actual recipe—open to many interpretations and possibilities. It is soup. Feel free to add anything you have on hand!

Preheat oven to 475*

Dice a large variety of different vegetables—enough to substantially fill a large baking sheet. In this batch, I used:

a small red kuri squash

a handful of Brussels sprouts

the kernels from one ear of corn

a diced carrot

a diced jalapeno pepper

two diced bell peppers

sliced button mushrooms

1/4 head cauliflower.

Toss with high-heat appropriate oil (I used 1/2T avocado oil mixed with 3T water to minimize the amount of fat in the soup) and copious amounts of dried rosemary. Roast on a baking sheet in the preheated oven until beginning to brown on top, around 20 minutes.

In the meantime, in a large soup pot, I sauteed:

2 small onions

several stalks of celery

the diced stems from some swiss chard

6 or so diced roasted green chilis.

Once they were soft, I added

two boxes of chicken broth (keep an eye on those ingredients—stocks and broths often contain added sugars, which you may not want!)

the leaves of the aforementioned swiss chard

some kale and sliced cabbage I had left over from other dishes

some sliced snow peas left over from the previous night’s dinner.

Once the roasted vegetables were beginning to brown, I added them to the pot, along with salt to taste, a hearty pinch of dried thyme, and some fresh sage from the garden. I brought the pot to a low simmer, long enough to wilt the greens, and, BOOM, dinner’s ready!

Serving Suggesions:

For weekday lunches, I pair a small bowl/thermos of soup with a serving of lean protein (often grilled chicken breast). I believe this is a State of Slim Phase II compliant meal depending on the vegetables that you choose.

I LOVE this soup in the morning with a diced boiled egg or two on top.

For my kids for Sunday’s movie night dinner, we added some cooked tortellini and a sliced grilled ring of fresh Polish sausage from Bavarian Sausage Express.

Energy is Precious, and Is to Be Conserved

As we age, energy becomes an increasingly precious commodity. In his Teachings From the Source, François Raoult shared his personal daily practice, which, to my surprise, included only one standing pose. The standing poses are the most basic and important poses to master, but, one mastered, he said, visit them, but do not expend too much energy there. Retain your skills and your accomplishments, but also your energy, so that you may concentrate on other things.

Conserving energy, so that it remains abundant and balanced, is worth work and focus all on its own.

But how do we do this?

Yoga sees the body as multidimensional, composed of koshsas, or sheaths. In a very simple way, you can consider these layers:

List of Koshas.jpg

Our society places a great deal of emphasis on developing our mental and physical bodies, but we don’t receive much cultural context or education about our energetic bodies. We may have concepts about mystical energy fields, auras, or the like that seem crazy, mysterious, or inaccessible to us.

But the energy body isn’t a mysterious thing. Here are some concrete ways to perceive your energy body right now:

Energy Inquiry.jpg

The first step in conserving our energy is paying attention to our energy bodies. Much in the same way that we ask ourselves how do I feel and what do I need when practicing Nonviolent Self-Talk, observing our energy throughout the day is an excellent way to develop energy awareness. And once we are more aware, we can deepen our inquiry:

Energy Inquiry Advanced.jpg

This is a fascinating tidbit from my recent study of the human nervous system:

The tone of our nervous system (tired, anxious, relaxed and alert, etc) determines how we perceive our reality.

During low energy times, you may find that you have more pessimistic thoughts or have trouble tapping into your creativity. When you are anxious, you may have unrealistic expectations of yourself, feel unsafe, or engage in negative self-talk. Maintaining a positive, balanced state of mind (and making healthy lifestyle choices) is much better done when our energy is balanced, flowing, and abundant.

Now that we have developed a better understanding of our energy bodies and what impacts them, we can begin to experiment.

Energy Inquiry Practice.jpg

My own explorations on this topic have led me to make a number of changes. I notice that there’s often a point in the day when I cross a line between work feeding me and work draining me. When I find myself coming close to that line, if I can steal 10 minutes and put my legs up a wall or on a chair, it makes a big difference.

Taking 30 minutes to each lunch in the middle of the day does more than fuel my body—it helps me recharge my batteries. Likewise, marking the transition from work to parenting, day to afternoon/evening, with a shower/bath/change of clothes/short nap helps me be a more present mom and partner.

Sometimes this inquiry can illuminate the need for bigger changes that are not so easily resolved. For example, you may realize that there’s something in your work environment or your marriage that is draining and there’s no way to offset it. Nonviolent Self-Talk comes in very handy in situations like this.

Nonviolent Self Talk for Competing Needs.jpg

You may find that you have two competing needs, like a need to retain energy versus a need to succeed in your job or a need for equity in getting the housework done versus a need to live peacefully with your spouse. There is a reason why you chose your current course of action. Once you get in touch with your needs, you can discern if your current course of action is truly serving the greatest need.

If so, it’s time to make space to mourn the needs that you are choosing not to meet right now—which requires you to fully acknowledge and feel the sadness, anger, disappointment, frustration, etc that you may be avoiding. Only then can you reside in peace and purpose about your decisions.

Other times, you may need to reclaim your boundaries. Perhaps you are giving too much to someone else—or your job—and you need to reset some expectations. For example, my children strongly dislike running errands, but some days I just don’t have the energy to drop them off at home before going to the grocery store. There are many times when I want to run over the end of a session with a client or accommodate someone running late, but, knowing that this will diminish the energy I have to move into the evening, I stick to my schedule.

In much the same way that getting enough activity and eating well help to maintain our health, energy conservation helps us live more enjoyable and fulfilling lives. Energy awareness is a skill, like any other. Not mastered in a day but slowly cultivated, like emotional intelligence and physical strength. Years ago, I had a Teacher remark to me that he can’t remember ever running out of energy—and he was a good 20 years older than me, at least! While I’m not sure that kind of boundless energy is a reasonable goal for all of us, certainly we can improve the quality of our lives by observing and tending to our energy bodies.